The Bride-To-Be and I bought a Bridal magazine recently.
There are a LOT of Bridal magazines on the stands. The Bride-To-Be and I did a lot of research, considered the different types of topics featured in the different magazines, how established the various magazines are and how relevant they are to the local context. There were a lot of factors and in the end, we chose the magazine we did because, as the Bride-To-Be so adequately put it “My friend is on the cover”.
Buying a bridal magazine is a good first step towards planning the wedding because the Brides get to find out more about what goes into the planning of a wedding.
This would lead to some Brides bursting into uncontrollable fits of crying, running away to a nunnery and vowing never, ever to get married again, effectively weeding out the mentally weaker candidates and improving the gene pool for our future generations.
Planning “Every Girl’s Dream Wedding”, is logistically complicated. To use a point of comparison, I would say it is about the same as planning the invasion of Normandy, and cost 5 times as much. Of course, the comparison is not fair, the consequences of failure for the Normandy Invasion meant the loss of liberty for the free world as we know it. Failure for the wedding would have far more devastating Consequences.
There is so much to worry about, such as the theme of the wedding, the wedding bands, the favors of the wedding, the door gifts, the table gifts, the parents gifts, the gifts-for-little-kids-who-cry-too-much-at-the-wedding, and most importantly, the seating arrangements. Now, this is a whole discipline of science unto itself altogether. There is so many permutations to choose from: Tables can be grouped by Family, Years of knowing each other, Friends from the same circles, Entertaining friends spread out equally, Dog owners, People from the Same blood group,Dog Owners from the same blood group, family members who are dog owners, etc, etc, etc…
These are all things the Brides have to worry about because the Grooms’ roles normally end after the proposal.
Statistically speaking (and this is from a very reliable source of information and not some made up numbers), most grooms are of the Male gender.
And most Males would not be able to differentiate between the Bridal Bouquet from, say… the Table Cloth. To us, Pink is a color while Fuschia is a word which would prompt rounds of uncontrollable giggles at a table of well trained Males because it sounds like a dirty word.”What the Wine you serve at your wedding reflects about you” would probably prompt the response of “We are not having beer????”
Indeed, if most grooms have our way, the local Hooters would be some of the most sought after wedding venues in the world.
To be fair, the Bridal magazines have something in them for the Modern Groom as well. They provide ample arm training for the Groom to prepare the age old tradition of carrying the Bride through the door of their new house. Fact: A lot of Brides become widows on the same day because their Grooms, silly fools that they are, actually believe they can attempt the carry without the help of any mechanical devices, such as a 5 tonne crane. Many are subsequently crushed under the combined weight of the Bride, the gown and the tonnes of hairspray and pins the Brides used to hold up their hair. I don’t have the exact figures for this, but I bet the numbers are chilling.
The average Bridal magazine weighs in at slightly below this Wedding Day Bride, which would put it as just a bit more than the combined weight of an average African village.
I’ll like to stay and type more, but my arms are killing me.
